Not enough hours in the day (3rd April 2004)

Shocking isn't it? You came here hoping to see the 2004 face-lift for dadams.co.uk - "it must be up and running now" you were thinking. No such luck. The good news is that I've finally decided on the graphics and style. The bad news is that it'll probably be another month before I finish making the transition... too much on at work, too many things to do at home.

Last week we finally got round to actually doing something at the weekend rather than hanging round the house, playing Mario Sunshine on the Gamecube, or going shopping (or getting beaten at Junior Monopoly by the offspring - talk about a ruthless streak). We went to the Tower of London for the day, something I haven't done since I was ten years old, which was, errr, quite a few years ago. The offspring had been learning about some historical characters at school - overviews I think, it's a bit early for her to be studying the full implications of Henry VIII's reign on the Catholic church. But she's obviously picked up quite a bit, as we passed a picture of Anne Boleyn (in her pre-beheaded state) and she recognised the image of Henry's second wife.

The White Tower, on a beautiful late March day... not.

Personally I thought the £13.50 per-adult entry fee a bit pricey - that equates to an expensive day out for a family, and the American tourists must have thought they were being mugged with the current exchange rate. But then you see the amount of work that the Historic Royal Palaces Agency put into the upkeep of the buildings, and the wealth of information and exhibits inside (not to mention the Crown Jewels), and then perhaps the fee seems worthwhile to preserve this wonderful piece of our national heritage. And I must also give credit to the Yeoman Warders (also known as Beefeaters for some reason) who are extremely knowledgeable about the history of the buildings and who don't mind posing for photos.

And finally for a bit of fun, Sky Plus is at it again. It's still working as I type this, but again it's given a strange description for a recorded movie. This week it's 'Signs' starring Mel Gibson... at least I thought it starred Mel Gibson:

"Comedy caper starring John Candy and Brooke Shields about a bunch of wealthy speed freaks who hold an illegal cross-country car race (1989)."

Sky Plus still working... just about (20th March 2004)

Of course the Sky Plus box is still working... it's two months aren't up yet. Should I tempt fate by telling you that this box seems to run cooler and quieter than the previous two? Yep, that's sealed it's doom. So, just the odd problem with the percentage of space remaining (see below) and a complete lock-up of the box today. I was half-way thru watching 'Minority Report' which I started watching four weeks ago, and I decided to pause the movie and check on the football scores. That all-too-common feeling came over me as the box refused to respond to anything. But I switched the power off, waited a minute and it all came back to life. However, when I returned to watching 'Minority Report', the description of the movie caught my eye... what follows is the Sky synopsis:

"A high school wrestler swaps athletics for the love of an older woman. Feelgood romance with Matthew Modine, Linda Fiorentino and movie debutante Madonna (1985)."

I must have missed this sub-plot while Tom Cruise was running around trying to work out who'd framed him for a murder he was yet to commit. Good movie, even if you could have driven an oil tanker thru some of the holes in the plot.

A quick update on the new design for the site... I'm nearly there, but still not 100% happy. I might decide to do a minor user interface update now and look at a major update later in the year. I know you're all looking forward to the update, and I can only apologise for the delay.

Three days in Boston (29th February - 3rd March 2004)

The great thing about a seven hour flight is the amount of time that you have to do stuff like update your web site. And luckily I chose American Airlines who have this strange notion that their economy passengers shouldn't be squashed in like commuters on the Tokyo underground. My knees are quite a few inches from the seat in front of me and there's loads of room for my laptop... okay, only until the guy in front of me decides to recline his seat, but as luck would have it the seat next to me is empty, so I can still make a bit of space for myself.

The reason I'm going to Boston is for the annual Lotus Technical Forum. I've been a few times before, and it's also good value (especially when you consider I'm not footing the bill). I'm looking forward to it this year especially as I have a new role (working as a consultant in the Messaging & Collaboration Solutions team) and so I have to get a bit more technical again. I have forsaken my management role - a reorganisation of the brands and sales teams within the IBM Software Business handed me a new management role that I wasn't particularly keen on, so I considered my options and elected to go for something a little more interesting... some time thinking about and developing myself rather than other people. And, of particular importance to me, I've stayed with the Lotus brand.

So, a quick few paragraphs here, and then I'll start some work on the new site design (again). I've got a design that I'm happy with, but I'm not sure that I'll be going with the CSS-driven layout. It works in Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox (and I even tested it in Opera) but it falls apart under certain circumstances (for example, if the content of the main portion doesn't extend as far as the narrower side column). There are workarounds, but the work of fixing it doesn't weigh against the ease of using tables to create the layout.

Earlier in the airport I was agonising over the purchase of a new PDA. The big question... Palm or Pocket PC? I quite fancy a Tungsten T3, with it's lovely extendable display. However, it only has Bluetooth and not WiFi. And then there's the HP iPAQ 4150, a slimline beauty with both Bluetooth and WiFi. I was never going to buy that at the airport - even without VAT it was £340... I know where I can get one for £260. The T3 was £256 and that's about as cheap as you can get it (unless I buy one in Boston, with the exchange rate being so favourable). But I still can't decide which to get. Obviously there's a fundamental difference in the operating systems, but at the end of the day they both do the e-mail / diary / to-do stuff that I want it for.

Later that evening... American Airlines certainly keep you well fed. The dinner of pasta and chicken was rather good (okay, your expectations aren't high with airline food, but this was more than acceptable) and the light snack was a rather tasty pizza. Do you think that airline plastic cutlery has got even bendier since the increased focus on security? Well, I guess it's a good sign... if I struggled to cut a soft-dough pizza with it, I guess it can't be much of a lethal weapon. Something that always bugs me about Americans... what's with the ice? I was offered a drink, I asked for a ginger ale, and the cup was promptly filled above the brim with ice cubes. We don't need that much bloody ice. If I wanted a drink that cold I'd ask for a cup of liquid nitrogen. I watched a film called 'Duplex' starring Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore - I can recommend it. Typical Ben Stiller role - average guy, life shits on him.

Later that week... 03:15 UK time, somewhere South-East of Greenland. Just finished watching 'Love Actually' which was quite good (actually). Nice to see Hugh Grant expanding his acting abilities. The Technical Forum was excellent. It was good to take the time to sit and listen and absorb some information about our products. Even though I've spent a lot of time telling our customers how good Domino 6 is, there's still some stuff I don't know... so it's amazing to hear the Product Managers and developers talk about just how much they've added to the product to make it robust and scalable, and what they have planned for Domino 7. Yes, I would say this, but it does make me wonder why anyone would choose Exchange (other than having the word 'Microsoft' tagged on the front) - Domino is just streets ahead.

The Palm Tungsten T3 - cheaper in the USA

The Palm versus iPAQ situation was resolved. I had a "someone up there is trying to tell me something" moment when I discovered a Palm store right at the entrance of the Prudential mall. And there was the Tungsten T3. I spent ages looking at all the features, and the price (and the exchange rate) was favourable. Even more so when the sales guy threw in a hard case (retailing at $40) for nothing. Even better, the next day when I took the hard case back (because it wasn't really what I wanted), I chose a leather case (retailing at $35) and they gave me $5 back. I also bought a travel kit, and wanting my new chrome friend to stay in good shape I also bought some screen protectors. Shame I didn't make a very good job of applying the first one... or the second one. Never mind, the air bubbles hardly notice.

The Japanese guy sitting next to me has his blanket over his head. My colleague Andy Walter is asleep. Lucky bugger.

No new site for 2004 yet (25th February 2004)

Back in October 2003 I announced that I was working on the next generation of dadams.co.uk - the world held it's breath. The world then went red in the face, it's eyes started to bulge and it's lips turned blue before it finally collapsed gasping. Yes my friends, the world is still waiting. There are a number of inhibitors to consider. The first is what the site is actually going to look like - I've mocked up a number of new looks, and so far binned all-but-one of them. More on that later. One of the looks was exactly the same as now, except that everything that is now blue was orange. That was discarded fairly quickly.

So, one mock-up remains, and I keep coming back to it. I'm not happy with it as a finished article, not by a long chalk, but it's sort of in the direction I want to go. This leads me on to the next topic of conversation, which many people may find boring (so you have my permission to leave and have a look at the latest Shrek 2 trailer on the official Shrek 2 web site). This prototype uses cascading style sheets for positioning of the main construction units rather than tables (which are currently used in the site). Cascading style sheets aren't new of course, and I've been using one for the style of the site for a while. The premise of a CSS is simple - rather than plough through over thirty pages and change the style of some elements manually in every page, those elements are based on a style in a CSS... so change the attributes in the CSS once and everything updates.

The idea of using a CSS for layout and positioning is less widely used but gathering momentum fast. I would even say there's some snobbery building up around the subject. I've already had someone sneer at my site because the layout isn't based on a CSS. I'm fully aware of the advantages - if I do the work now of basing all the elements and content of dadams.co.uk on styles now, then come January 2005 when I decide it's time for yet another look-and-feel, the job will be relatively easy. This premise is beautifully illustrated by a site called css Zen Garden which takes the same content but allows you to radically change the look just by selecting a new CSS.

However, there is one small problem - the ease with which I'll be able to update the site next time round is offset by the work to implement a full CSS model now. This is compounded by the seemingly age-old problems about setting up web sites... you get it working nicely in Internet Explorer but it all looks a bit strange in other browsers. Now, I have mentioned in the past that I couldn't give a monkey's about Netscape Navigator, but I do now care quite a lot about how it looks in Mozilla Firefox. These problems aren't insurmountable, but they do add a bit of effort to the development work. My current preference for layout is quite a tricky one to do with a CSS... but can be done very easily with tables. Is this where the snobbery comes in? People like to say "I did it the hard way".

And I dare say you're dying for a Sky Plus update. Two weeks on from the replacement and it's playing up again. On Monday night I pressed the R button to record 'Changing Rooms' (no comments thank you) and the Sky Plus box announced that I didn't have enough space to complete the recording. Had I been recording films and nerdy Discovery Channel documentaries like there was no tomorrow this might have been true... but I had just three films, six episodes of The Hoobs (not for me of course, although I do find them quite amusing) and coverage of The Brit Awards. All that amounted to about 52% of the box's capacity. Was this edition of 'Changing Rooms' going to last ten hours? So I cleared a couple of programs off, and I was left with the following at the end of the evening:

	'Minority Report' = 15%
	'Signs' = 9%
	Four episodes of The Hoobs = 8%
	'Changing Rooms' = 3%

A quick bit of arithmetic told me that this equates to 35% of the capacity taken up. So why do I only have 17% remaining? I asked this question on one of the forums dedicated to Sky Plus complaints, and was told that somewhere on my hard disk was a program taking up space that doesn't show up on the Sky Plus planner (and therefore can't be removed). If my recordings equate to 35%, I should have 65% left. But I have 17% - that means that 48% of the disk space has gone missing. I've never recorded anything that takes up 48%. You could just about fit the 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy into that. The recommended course of action is a "Full System Reset". Guess what... this will wipe anything you have recorded. Oh well, given the track record so far the box is due to fry soon, so I'll lose my recordings anyway. Sky want me to recommend this system to my friends. Any takers?

Sky Minus (9th February 2004)

Admittedly, a rather obtuse and obvious play on words, but it just about sums up Sky Plus. Less than two months after getting a replacement box (see here) it's failed again. When I mentioned in my posting last week that all was going well I was clearly tempting fate. Soon after that, the box started to be unreliable (kept going into standby, wouldn't respond to the remote control, failing to record certain programs) and I was having to disconnect the power and remove the viewing card twice a day. After a trouble-free couple of days (the proverbial calm before the storm) the box went to hardware heaven during the night. My now all-too-familiar remedial procedure failed to work, and then a grinding noise was heard from inside the box. Time to ring Sky Customer Services (again).

The lady I first spoke to asked me what the weather had been like overnight... yes, the British are prone to this disposition of talking about the weather, but this was hardly the right time. I know what she was getting at... had lightning struck our dish? No. Then she started on the standard "take the card out, switch it off, etc" procedure. Through gritted teeth I told her that I was familiar with these actions, and they hadn't helped on this occasion. Perhaps at this point she may have read my call history, because she then passed me over to a supervisor (which is something that doesn't normally happen until you get really pissed off). I challenged him on the quality of the Sky Plus boxes, based on my experience and the content of some forums on the web, but he launched into what sounded like a very well-rehearsed PR statement. He also said that the latest generation of boxes are much more reliable that the previous ones. Yeah, sure. I know people who have first-generation boxes and have only suffered minor glitches not even worthy of a call to customer service. The supervisor also told me he'd had his box for seven months without a problem. Now tell me, does that piece of info really help me? It reminded me of when we went to the Seychelles and it rained every day, but we were assured that "it's not normally like this".

So, a replacement is expected this week. "What", I asked him "assures me that I won't be getting another replacement in two month's time?". His reply... "all I can do is apologise". Well, that's true - they've had enough practice and it's all they ever do. The irony is that today I should be receiving a credit on my Sky account for the last period of lack of service.

Another home entertainment option (2nd February 2004)

Have I ever mentioned Sky Plus? So far, all has been well since the re-installation on Christmas Eve, but now we're facing one major problem - capacity. Normally the offspring keeps up with the two daily episodes of The Hoobs, and I usually get a chance to watch stuff from the Discovery channel or the odd movie. But something else has taken up residence alongside the DVD player and the Sky Plus box... a Nintendo GameCube (my birthday present). Up until now I'd resisted getting a games console because I knew the effect it would have on my life. And I was right because it's had exactly the expected effect. I also suspected that the offspring would take to it, because she already loved playing Super Monkeyball 2 on her Uncle Choddo's GameCube. What I didn't expect was the wife to also have a go, but she's now challenging to be house champion on Super Monkey Bowling. The offspring, however, now shows a preference for Mario Kart Double Dash - we have seen an improvement in her progress round the track, but she seems to prefer exploring the track, looking for shortcuts and stopping to have a look at things... and crashing into anything available to crash into. I should at this point emphasise the fact that we are good parents and ensure that she does her homework and reading exercises before she gets to drive Baby Mario and Yoshi round the track in a souped-up pram.

Personally, I prefer Sega Soccer Slam. This ties in with an interesting article on the BBC news site about our American friends not understanding the concept of irony. How are the two connected? Well, Soccer Slam is accompanied by a droll stereo-typical English football commentator cracking bad gags, talking out of his backside and exploding with excitement and superlatives when the ball hits the back of the net. I find this extremely amusing because it's an excellent reflection of the banal patter of our beloved orators of the beautiful game. However, a US-based review of the game states that "the commentary is a major disappointment" and "he just doesn't have a lot to say". So perhaps they really don't get the concept of irony, God bless 'em. Well, no, I'd disagree. After all, didn't the Americans give us The Simpsons? And if you want proof that irony (and clever humour) is alive and kicking in the States, head over to BBspot.com - the 'Linux Developer Gets Laid' and 'Atheist Still Unconvinced After Meeting With God' articles are both classics.

A week and a half in Las Vegas (7th - 18th January 2004)

Day 1

As I type this, I sitting in seat 21B on the 16:45 (EST) flight from Cincinnati to Las Vegas, Typing isn't easy because of the angle at which my ThinkPad is tilted, and that's thanks to the awkward bastard in seat 20B who has his seat reclined. So why am I bothering? It's basically because after 10 hours of flying (and over 4 hours of waiting at airports) I am bored rigid. Speaking of rigid, I'm also a prime candidate for Deep Vein Thrombosis. My hand luggage is under my legs, because the people who got on before me filled up the overhead storage with their 'hand luggage'. The cabin crew were starting to insist that people around me check their oversized bags, but alas a few suitcases made in on the flight. Airlines ought to get tough with these people. The guy next to me is also using a laptop, and tuts every time the woman in front of him pushes back in her seat. But I have no sympathy - he has more room than me because she hasn't reclined her seat, and one of the big bags stopping my small bag from being stowed overhead belongs to him.

One thing I was glad to see was the increased security. It was fairly strict at Gatwick, but in between the US internal flights it was raised several degrees. That's the first time I've had to take my shoes off and put them through the x-ray machine. Good for them.

They have a large replica of the Arc de Triumphe as well.

Arrival in Las Vegas is about 90 minutes from now. By the time I get to the hotel it will be about 03:00 UK time... so I can't imagine that I'll be hitting the town tonight. Thinking about it, I probably won't log an entry for every day I'm in Vegas. I don't actually expect it to be that eventful. But I'm sure I'll take some photos, and of course I'll post some of the best ones here. Errr... that's it for today. Oh, sorry, one more piece of info - Sky e-mailed me to apologise. They're very good at that, in fact it's the only aspect of their customer service which is up to scratch (well, they get enough practise). They offered me a £40 credit on my account, which is very nice of them but I'd rather they got their act together. In the meantime I'll take the money.

Day 2

You know how it is when you change time zones... I'm now eight hours behind the UK, so at 04:20 Pacific Time I woke up with some part of my brain telling me I shouldn't still be in bed. I got back to sleep, but then woke up several times until I decided to get up at 07:30. After showering and collecting e-mail, and seeing that it was a sunny day, I decided to go for a walk. Las Vegas looks very different by day - last night I got to see it in it's illuminated glory, and I would guess that this town uses at least half of the world's electricity. I can just imagine the bulbs dimming in the rest of the North America as darkness falls in Vegas.

Caesars Palace - Celine Dion is doing a season here. Nice.

It was also last night that I started to realise the full extent of the gambling here. Twenty feet from the arrival gate was a huge array of slot machines. There were several others before getting to the luggage collection point, where there was an even large collection of slot machines. Upon arriving in the Paris Hotel, I saw more slot machines and gaming tables than I could imagine possible. But that amount paled into insignificance when compared to the impressive but enormous Caesars Palace (I wandered in them from the adjoining shopping mall). Seeing people drinking beer and playing Roulette at 09:00 is very strange.

After wandering around for a couple of hours, and taking photos of some of the more opulent buildings, it was time to head for the first training course of the visit here. But later I did the same walk again, and of course it all looked very different by night. I've heard people call Las Vegas tacky - I don't think that's a fair assessment. Some of it, even though vastly illuminated, is rather tasteful. As for the rest of it... well, I don't believe that Las Vegas pretends to be anything other than what it is - a place that exists purely as a destination for indulgence (with the occasional large corporate event thrown in). Not since I went to Bangkok on my honeymoon have I experienced a place which assaults your senses in the same way that this place does. I would suggest that it must rate as one of the places you have to visit before your time on this planet is up.

Day 3

I barely saw daylight today. The course started at 09:00, and it was dark by the time it finished at 18:30. Myself and Mike Hayward (a fellow fan of magic) visited Lance Burton's magic shop at the Monte Carlo hotel, and then we went to one of the nine Houdini magic shops in the area where we each made a purchase. I bought a cheeseburger, went back to my room, practised the trick, and then started work on the Las Vegas photo album. And that was Friday.

Day 4

The course ended at 13:30, and after lunch Matt Newton and I hit shops (to be precise, the Forum mall which is attached to Caesars Palace). And then we walked back up the Las Vegas strip and visited various magic shops (making a couple of purchases). After that, we met up with a few mates in the MGM Grand and then went to the piano bar in the New York New York hotel. Are you enjoying this diary? It's getting a bit dull isn't it. The sales meeting starts in earnest today, so I can't see it getting much better. However, Choddo has now arrived in town, so perhaps there's hope yet.

Day 5

Another fairly uninteresting day, which culminated in 16,000 people attending the opening of our sales meeting in the MGM Grand Arena. Everyone then adjourned to a huge tent where food was served. You can imagine the buffet queues. After leaving, I took some photos and recorded some movies of the spectacular fountain displays in front of the Bellagio hotel. This is one of the great things about Vegas - there's always something going on (and you don't always have to pay for it).

No longer at The Mirage... Siegfried & Roy, and their cuddly friend.

Day 6

At last - today the technical stuff started. It was also the first day that I stepped inside the Mirage hotel. If you're not in the know, the Mirage is (or was) the home of magicians Siegfried & Roy. One half of the duo, Roy Horn, as you probably know, had a bit of an altercation with a large carnivorous feline late last year and came off worse. One of the guys in one of the nine branches of Houdini's Magic Shop told me that Roy would never work again due to his injuries, which is a great shame. The Mirage still displays a huge Siegfried and Roy poster. There's an amusing story that goes with this... I can't remember who it was, but someone asked me "which one is Roy, is he the weird looking one?". If I replied "yes" that would have narrowed it down a bit - it's not the white fluffy one on the left.

Later, Matt, Choddo, Kemal and I took a taxi to Fry's Electronics. I was looking for a Palm Tungsten T3... but they didn't have any. Kemal saw the digital camera he'd bought earlier in the day for $50 less (but later he was to return the one he bought because it was faulty and had taken over 300 photos will in the shop). Still, at least Matt was happy - we went to FatBurger (yes, they sell burgers) and he bought a half-gallon cup of disgusting root beer. How anyone can drink that stuff is beyond me. Each to their own I suppose.

Day 7

Zzzzzz. Well, apart from Choddo insisting that I go to the Irish Pub in the New York New York hotel.

Day 8

...which wasn't that interesting either. But I did return the Houdini magic shop again, because my fantastic mates Matt and Kemal gave me a gift voucher for my birthday. Thanks guys, I was deeply touched. It's really crap being away for your birthday year after year, but being with your friends and knowing they're there for you makes it a hell of a lot better. I bought a 'Mind Power Deck' and a mind-reading prop called 'Super Sight'.

After the technical sessions I hurried to the Paris hotel's half-size Eiffel Tower, and once at the top took over 40 photos (see the photo album). Then watched the Mirage hotel's fake volcano and did a bit of shopping before returning to the hotel for an early-ish night.

Day 9

My birthday. Another day of meetings, right up till 20:00. Not exactly how I would have chosen to spend it. However, Choddo had planned an evening of merriment, so later we headed to the Voodoo Lounge at the Rio hotel. The bar was jumping with a live band, and it had an outside area which provided excellent views over the city. I think I had a good evening, but I had to look back at the photos to check. Got back to my hotel room at 03:40.

Day 10

Zzzzzz (again). In the evening there was a closing buffet dinner, which was all rather dull (apart from the company of my friends and colleagues). I then returned to my room to pack. This is something I wasn't looking forward to - not only had I bought a few items, but also the wife had taken advantage of the fact I was at a US postal address and had some items purchased on-line delivered to the hotel. Bit of a squeeze, but it closed. Actually I was more worried about it being over the weight limit.

Day 11

Got up at 04:00, which was nice. The early start was a good idea as the queues for check-in and security were huge. The flight to Atlanta was uneventful (I think always find that's a good thing, a flight being uneventful, when you consider the alternatives). And that (hopefully) brings this section to a close, sitting here at gate E18 waiting for the flight to Gatwick. A long eleven days, and to be quite honest it dragged on. Can't wait to get home. Looking out the window it's going to be, in the words of Gladys Knight (who was doing a gig in Vegas), a rainy night in Georgia.

Epilogue

I did get home okay, and can't really complain about the flight to Gatwick landing ten minutes late... because the next day I heard a load of horror stories of people missing their flights and having to wait eight hours or more at the check-in. And to think I originally cursed my early morning flight.

And finally, when I saw 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life' on the outgoing flight, I thought I'd seen the worst film ever made. But just when you think life can't throw anything worse at you, on the way back to Gatwick I watched Jackie Chan in 'The Medallion'. Quite why I watched all of it I'll never know. Perhaps I thought it was going to improve. It didn't.

Further update
Like Archimedes, I think of things while in the bath. And it was while laying submerged last night (not a nice vision, I'm sorry) I remembered that 'Rainy Night In Georgia' was not recorded by Gladys Knight - it was Randy Crawford. Gladys (and The Pips) recorded 'Midnight Train To Georgia'. Easy mistake to make. One thing is for certain... there have been more songs about Georgia recorded than about Camberley. Staines might have been mentioned in something by Ali G, and I do know of a reference to Slough in a song. Can you name the song and the band? The first correct answer out of the hat wins a mention on this page (surely you can't resist that).

There went Christmas (30th December 2003)

I'm currently reading 'The Elegant Universe' by Brian Greene, which discusses string theory, Einstein's theories of relativity, quantum mechanics, and other interesting stuff that may tip the balance next quiz night (but may not). However, knowing that gravity is created by a curvature in the fabric of space (not unlike a three-dimensional version of a bowling ball placed on a suspended rubber membrane), or that time is distorted when you travel at light-speed, doesn't allow me to comprehend one of the most perplexing phenomena known to man... why is it that time passes so damn quickly at Christmas. I mean, ten minutes ago I was helping Lauren leave a mince pie and some mulled wine for the jolly fat generous guy in the red suit - and now it's the day before New Year's Eve. Where did the time go?

A fluffy 'Hello Kitty' - photo taken by Lauren at 10:26 on Boxing Day.

Needless to say, the offspring had a great time (even though we had to wake her up on Christmas morning). We took a bit of a gamble in buying her a digital camera - not too expensive, a 2 megapixel Kodak - knowing that it would either be a triumph or would be discarded in favour of the stuff that five year old girls like. But it turned out to be a great success - over the course of Christmas Day and Boxing Day Lauren took over a hundred photos (lucky I took my laptop over to the in-laws, as I spent most of the time downloading the photos ready for her to delete them and capture the next batch). She took a photo of everything - her baby cousin Oscar, everyone else, her presents, the Christmas tree, ornaments, the dog, shelves, eggs, photos already in frames, the television... the list goes on.

And what did I get for Christmas? Well, to be honest there was nothing much I wanted... just a few CDs (volumes 3 and 4 of Andy Partridge's 'Fuzzy Warbles' and 'Let It Be - Naked' by the Fab Four) and 'The Two Towers - Extended Edition' on DVD. And I got 'Pirates of the Caribbean' too, and a shirt. And some jelly beans. I also got a new Sky Plus box. The arguments with Sky raged on, and they proved themselves to be totally incapable of being of any assistance whatsoever. Fed up with them telling me what they couldn't do rather than than taking any constructive action, I demanded to speak to the customer service manager, who like his minions told me there was nothing he could do. I asked him for one thing - to phone the contractors and insist on a morning call. Yes, he said, he would do that. Christmas Eve arrived, the engineer called, and told me he would be with us between 12:00 and 17:00. Is that the morning? Not in our f***ing time zone it's not. Did the engineer receive a request for a morning call? No. We had plans for the afternoon, so I had to leave a social gathering to go back home to meet the engineer. We were the last call of the day. The fact that Sky Plus was re-activated in time for Christmas was a testament to me driving home when I should have been relaxing rather than Sky's commitment to customer service. And to reward them for their efforts, here is the transcript of another e-mail I sent them - it was entitled 'Let down a THIRD time'.

Why am I not surprised? Despite the fact that the engineer who came along with a broken box last Friday promised a morning call, and then after speaking to a customer service manager called Alan on Monday who promised to let the engineer know that a morning call was required, the engineer rung up this morning and said that he'd be with us between 12:00 and 17:00. When I challenged him on this he said he had no record of a request for a morning call. I know all about your policies by now. I know what you aren't able to do... I've been told enough times. What amazes me is that you seem to have no dialogue whatsoever between yourself and your installers (who are the customer-facing element of your business and are YOUR representatives). How unsatisfied does a customer have to be before you people jump into action and actually make some effort to resolve a situation? All I hear from you is apologies and reasons why you can't help me. The supervisor that I spoke to on Monday said she had been on a customer service training course. That amazes me - the first thing I learnt is that you don't let your own internal policies create a barrier for resolving a problem, and that you do what's right for your customer not what's easiest for you. The easiest thing for you people to do is sit in your call centre 400 miles away and let me rant, and then do nothing safe in the knowledge that eventually I'll put the phone down. No-one has ever given me the impression that they've thought "hey, this guy is getting poor service and is dissatisfied, we need to break from the procedures to make something happen to put things right". I can't believe that a big organisation like Sky doesn't have some resource that they can pull in to resolve a situation. Well, that's it, I've run out of things to say and it's futile anyway because over the course of the last week you've proved that you're unable and unwilling to help. My next port of call is http://bbc.co.uk/watchdog/contact/index.shtml A merry Sky-free Christmas from your totally disgusted customer Darren Adams

Oh yeah, one other thing... on Boxing Day I reached 11th place in the Celebdaq league table. However, it shows what a twelve hour delay in investing the dividends will do - the day after I was back down to 547th. Oh well. Good job I didn't have any Bob Monkhouse shares. I wouldn't be disrespectful enough to try and pass one of Bob's wonderful one-liners off as my own, so I'll just tell you my favourite... "I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights." Rest in peace Bob, you will be sadly missed.

The Return of the King, and the continued absence of Sky Plus (19th December 2003)

Let's start with Sky Plus. Today was the day of the repair or replacement of the ailing box. The engineer did turn up this time, but I will let the e-mail that I sent to Sky customer services tell the rest of the tale - it was entitled "Continued poor customer service"...

Once again I have to contact you about your poor customer service. On the first occasion, I took a day's holiday to wait in for an engineer (to install Sky Plus) who cancelled on the morning of the arranged installation. Not only was this inconvenient but I also had to put up with the attitude of your customer service representatives who didn't comprehend the fact that it's not easy for me to take a day off work and thought that rearranging the installation was a perfectly acceptable solution. I'm pleased to say that the rescheduled installation went to plan. However, less than two months after the installation the recording function of the Sky Plus box stopped working (followed by the ability to actually switch the box on). This occurred last Friday (12th December). Today, 19th December, I took yet another day off work to wait for the engineer. Also, during the week I rang the customer service line to inquire as to whether the engineer would bring a new box in case he couldn't repair the existing box. Your representative confirmed that the engineer would, but I have to say that the lady's attitude gave me the impression that she didn't really care if he did or not. Ever heard of the word 'empathy'? Today the engineer arrived. He brought a spare box.... which didn't work. It displayed the same fault as the existing box. He tried a third box in order to ascertain where the fault was. That box worked, but he informed me it was for another customer so he couldn't let me have it. He phoned someone, and asked me if I could be in on Monday so that yet another engineer could come back. Unbelievable... Sky have screwed up again, and you want me to take ANOTHER day off work. Taking Monday off wasn't possible, so the engineer's visit was scheduled for the morning of the 24th. So let's summarise: - The initial installation was not acceptable - The box failed after two months - I called to ensure that a working replacement would be provided - The box that was brought as a replacement obviously wasn't tested and didn't work Surely you will look at these facts and recognise that you are providing a very poor service. I would like someone to contact me and explain why I am paying for a service that is clearly not up to the required standard. I would like you to reimburse me for the cost of a week's subscription as I hold you responsible for the fact that I have no Sky service today, over the coming weekend and in the early part of next week. Finally I would like to have your guarantee that the engineer will bring a working Sky Plus box on the 24th. As a final thought, rest assured that my only reason for remaining a Sky customer this moment is that I like your product and want to continue to using it. My loyalty as a customer has nothing to do with your customer service, which is fast-becoming the worst I have ever had the misfortune to experience. Regards Darren Adams

Saddam, skating and Sky Plus (16th December 2003)

What an incredible weekend for news - who would have guessed that it could happen? We couldn't believe it when we heard it announced on television. Sam had been knocked out of Pop Idol. Oh, you thought I was talking about Saddam Hussein? Well, yeah, that was pretty news-worthy too I suppose. Wouldn't you have loved to have been there as that particular piece of history was made? Six hundred US soldiers homing in on one old man asleep in a hole. I wonder how the dialogue played out...

Saddam:	Okay, I'll come quietly... but first, tell me, how gallantly did my small number of faithful Republican Guards fight against you American infidel dogs? Did they fight with honour?
General Sanchez:	Are you joking buddy? They scarperred hours ago.
Saddam:	Oh bollocks.

The great Winter astronomical display, and a bit of Celebdaq (7th December 2003)

It's that time of year again. Oh, sure, Christmas is fast approaching too, but I'm talking about lugging the telescope into the garden, risking hypothermia, and (more often than not) sulking about the clouds. This is the time of year for observing Saturn (making it's closet approach on New Year's Eve), Jupiter (at opposition on 4th March 2004, but starting to appear in the night sky), and the Orion Nebula (Messier Object 42 of course, and so far away that it's position in the sky is the main feature). Mars is still visible too, but gradually fading as we zoom off into our orbit leaving it trailing behind us... never mind, we'll catch up again in November 2005.

This year, astronomy fans, is an important year for Saturn. The tilt of the rings is very favourable for viewing, and will add to the brightness of the second biggest planet. That'll be handy, because even at opposition Saturn will nearly 750 million miles away from us... although Saturn's perihelion (closet approach to the Sun) occurred during July of this year, so it's closer than usual this Winter.

Jessie Wallace - in the market for a new bicycle.

If you find this talk of rings around gas giants rather boring, perhaps you'll be more interested in my Celebdaq progress. I now have £2 million in my account, and I'm hoping to accumulate another £2 million before I get wealth-capped again. Before I got wealth-capped the first time, I managed a high of 954th and then I plummeted down to 165,963rd when they took my money and portfolio away, and I had to start again with ten grand. Since then I've climbed back up to 324th, sunk back down to 16,687th (funny, I thought those Michael Jackson shares would do okay), and then this weekend hit a high of 33rd. The secret of my success? This week it was down to picking a likely celebrity, buying the shares early, and holding on to all of them right up until dividend day. The celebrity in question this week was Jessie Wallace (Kat Slater from EastEnders) who promised some tabloid newspaper column inches after taking to the wheel of her motor vehicle while under the influence of something stronger than Vanilla Coke. I like misbehaving celebrities - my previous best weeks were when I invested in Cheryl 'Biffa' Tweedy during her toilet punch-up court case, and Liza Minnelli when her strange-looking hubby accused her of knocking him around (the big pansy that he is)..

This week I'm hoping that an early investment in the now-pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow will come up trumps, along with a smaller investments (just for a bit of fun) in Gwynnie's beau (Coldplay's Mister Cheerful, Chris Martin) and mad-cap Justin Hawkins from The Darkness. I also had a few Alex Ferguson shares for a day or so, but I offloaded them because I couldn't bear the thought of the miserable old sod contributing to my virtual fortune. Hopefully this week's purchases will get me into the exclusive Top 30. For next week, if anyone can give me an early tip-off of Kelly Osbourne dating the Pope, or Jennifer Lopez announcing that she's really a bloke called Colin, I'd be very grateful.

Hang on, I've just got an e-mail from Ben Affleck... sh*t, you're never gonna believe this...

Update: on the 8th of December I peaked at 22nd place. But it was all downhill from then on.

Wireless... at last (29th November 2003)

Why at last? Because I've been meaning to do it for ages. The decision to stop waiting for BT Broadband to reach the remote wilderness of Camberley and go for NTL's offering turned out to be a good one, but the inconvenience of being restricted to the lounge was becoming a pain. So, I had a choice... get a really long strand of ethernet and tell everyone to "mind that cable", or go wireless.

The NetGear MR814 - freedom to, errrr, sit in the kitchen.

I actually decided on this a couple of months ago, but had only got as far as identifying the wireless router required for the job. Well, I tell a lie... Choddo recommended it actually - the NetGear MR814 (see right). What prompted me to finally get on with it was the increased time I was spending working at home. In the past week the wife was ill for a couple of days, and thus it made sense to work from home on things that I didn't have to be in the office for.

The other factor was that our central heating has been on the blink for some time. We naturally took advantage of the fact that we have insurance to cover faults and repairs (which I don't remember arranging, but I'm glad we did). The basic problem was that the heating system became a law unto itself. It would go off when it pleased, regardless of how long it had been on and how warm (or cold) the house was. The boiler would occasionally fire up, stay on for ten seconds and go off again.

If you read the recent Sky saga (see below) you'll be aware of the fact that tradesmen can't guarantee a time of arrival... actually I'm sure your own experience will tell you this. Best they can usually do is approximate the day. The wife's illness (she's better now, by the way, in case you're concerned) coincided with a third required visit from the engineers. The first resulted in one engineer changing the central heating timer. He did a crap job, leaving it wobbly on the wall, so you have to hold it in place before moving the sliding controls. This also didn't fix the problem - but for him, turning up at 16:00, it seemed the best course of action (i.e. not starting a longer job so late in the working day). The second visit (same engineer) saw a replacement three-way valve in the airing cupboard. This made the problem worse - not only was the central heating still unreliable, but now the usually reliable hot water supply was playing up too.

Third visit - this time they decided to send someone who appeared to know what he was doing. He was a bit grumpy, but cheered up when I made him a cup of tea. And he knew his stuff - he spent a while checking a few things before hooking a diagnostic tool to the boiler. His conclusion was that we needed a new master circuit board in the boiler. This was carried out in a matter of minutes, and everything has worked fine since. Shame Mr Grumpy hadn't seen sent a week earlier.

Anyway, back to the wireless technology. My friend and colleague Matt Newton (who I know will be thrilled to see his name on this page) recommended Savastore.com, which turned out to be cheaper than the usual suspects for buying gadgets on-line by nearly £10. And they get my recommendation too - nice web site, painless order process, and after placing the order on Tuesday afternoon, the router turned up via courier on Friday as expected. It didn't take long to set it up, and I was soon working in the kitchen (just because I could). One other interesting thing happened... having enabled the wireless connectivity on my new IBM T40, I saw my own wireless network and one other. This other one was identified by a house number and the name of the road (which I know is at the end of our back garden). I wasn't surprised that the signal wasn't very strong, but I was surprised when I looked where the house in question was. I expected it to be one of the houses nearest to us, but in fact it was some distance - I'm no good at estimating distances, but it's at least two minutes walk... four minutes if the dog is sniffing out a location to dump a pile of something unpleasant.

A few other points of discussion, seeing as it's been a long time since my last contribution. Firstly, Pop Idol... seems like I got it completely wrong with my tip for first place (Andy) being knocked out when they got to the final six. I fact I only got two of the final four right. Oh well...

Christmas has slowly started to arrive in our house - the advent calendars and nativity scene will be put in place tomorrow, and the Christmas CD is already being played. The wife has been tucking into mince pies for weeks, and the offspring's school Christmas play is but a few days away. But once again, spare a thought for the people who live the road behind us (the same road as the mysterious wireless LAN). The annual festive illuminated display - click here - is in place once again, and it's bigger and better than ever (well, perhaps not better, but certainly bigger).

And finally... does anyone know how we got on in the rugby?

Diary of a trip to South Africa (9th November 2003)

South Africa is, bizarrely, part of IBM Software's North Region - don't ask me to explain that, the best I can ever do is answer that South Africa is North of Antarctica. Being part of North Region, that means that my territory for Technical Sales leadership for Lotus Software encompasses South Africa (lucky them), despite that fact that it's further away than the East of North America. And so I was invited to assist on the launch tour for the new Lotus Workplace products.

Sunday

To get to Johannesburg on a Monday morning, you have to leave Heathrow on a Sunday. Bummer, overnight flight. However, there is a God (sometimes). IBM's travel policy works in my favour about as often as Halley's Comet passes the Earth, and thanks to a combination of factors I was allowed to travel Business Class. Yep, for only the second time in my life I avoided the long-haul economy class nightmare (the previous occasion was when I was mysteriously provided with a Virgin Upper class return-leg from Boston). So, I got to sample the South African Airways Business Class lounge... and then I got onto the plane itself. Imagine this... having a fully reclining seat with personal video screen in the arm rest, and the seat in front of you is so far away that you have to get up and walk to it. The service was great, the food was excellent, and I sat in semi-reclined comfort and watched 'Terminator 3' (which was quite good). My knees were nowhere near my chin.

Monday

Arrived in Johannesburg at 07:15. The driver was waiting to take me to the Sandton Intercontinental hotel. Jo'burg traffic is just like the UK traffic. Nice to see some things are constant the world over. It was during this one hour journey that I was struck by the impact of crime in South Africa. The houses and work places were surrounded by spiked fences, and then had bars protecting the windows. How sad that people have to take those measures. The hour-long taxi ride cost about £20, and I was later told I was ripped off. Really? See 'Saturday' below. Not much else of note on this day. Got to the hotel, had a shower, changed, went the IBM office, spent some time with some colleagues, and then with some customers. Went back to the hotel, had a bite to eat, spoke to the wife, and went to bed.

Tuesday

Met with some more customers and did some preparation for the launch event. Same evening ritual, apart from having a look around the Sandton shopping centre. The one shop I wanted to look in, Timberland, was closed.

Wednesday

The day of the first Workplace launch event, which took place in the Michelangelo hotel in the heart of the Sandton area. Good attendance from over 100 customers and Business Partners (they must have heard I was in town). By now the cold I'd brought with me had fully settled in, and after my three speaking sessions I had a beauty of a sore throat developing. A bit of work and e-mail in the office, and then I left for Cape Town with my colleagues Richard and Mark. Upon arrival at Cape Town (after a nice bumpy flight), we checked into the fabulous Commodore hotel.

I was given room 5011, and I when I got to the room I noticed something different about it even before I opened the door... the room had a name (it was the 'something' Castle... can't quite remember now). Upon entering the room all became clear... it was a suite, complete with complimentary nuts, sherry (not my usual tipple), chocolates, slippers, dressing gown and two televisions. My first thought was "hey, cool". My second thought was "hang on a second, if I pay the going rate for this I'm going to have trouble expensing it". So I called reception and told them that I'd be happy with a standard room. However, they told me that I could stay put and I would be charged the standard rate.

Table Mountain, Cape Town

The lads and I then went for a quick drink, and at a water-side bar I was reminded how inexpensive South Africa can be... three drinks, £3. Thanks to our short stay in the city, this was to be the one and only visit to the Victoria & Albert Waterfront area, which was a great shame... but it's on the list of places to visit should I ever return to Cape Town.

Thursday

Started the day with an excellent breakfast, and then returned to the room to take some photos of Table Mountain (photo album coming soon) from the balcony. I then checked out and had an argument over the cost of the room (see above).

Hout Bay, near Cape Town

After doing our product briefing, Mark, Richard and I set off for a drive to see some of the sights of Cape Town. We headed along a coastal road toward Hout Bay, stopped for some lunch, and then returned along the same road, this time stopping to take some photos of the 'Twelve Apostles' and the beach resort of Llandudno. The road also took us through beautiful Camps Bay and past Robben Island (where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned). After that we headed for the airport to catch a flight to Durban. The scenery was even more amazing from the air. We arrived in Durban, found the hire car, and headed for the comfortable colonial-style Westville hotel.

Camps Bay, Cape Town

Friday

Another repeat of the Workplace, Notes / Domino 6.5 and WebSphere Portal Server event, and then we left the IBM office to get some lunch before heading for the airport. So I didn't really see much of Durban apart from a drive through the city centre en-route to the Pirates Arms where lunch for three of us weighed in at less that £10.

We all flew back to Jo'burg, and there I said farewell to Mark and Richard. I checked in for my South African Airways flight, now deeply aware that my claim to travel Business Class had expired. However, the 10½ hours in cattle-class wasn't all bad as South African Airways provide a large number of movies on-demand. I watched 'Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl' which was tremendous (despite the bizarre accent of the excellent Johnny Depp - what was he aiming for? drunk? English? both?), and 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' which started well and then lost it's way.

Saturday

The plane landed at 06:20 and I was home by 07:25. The taxi from Heathrow to Camberley, 17 miles and about 30 minutes, cost £48. And they reckon I was ripped off to the tune of £20 in Jo'burg. Yeah, sure I was.