Indiana Jones and the Zimmer Frame of Shame

Warning: this contains spoilers, so don’t read it if you haven’t seen the movie in question.

I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather this week, so Mrs A gave me a day off from working down her usual long list of Saturday must-dos. After getting my hair cut and cleaning out the hamster house I decided to take time out to watch ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ which I recorded some time ago – a movie which I promised myself I’d watch on the big screen at home, not on the mini-screen of the Archos while at an airport or on a flight to somewhere.

The first concern was whether the aged Harrison Ford could still hack it as the adventurous archaeologist… yes, but only just, and to be fair they made reference to his advancing years a few times. At least they didn’t pass him off as some spring chicken. But then there’s the bad news. Cate Blanchett’s delivery came straight out of Russian Accent 101 classes and made me cringe every time she spoke. If we’re supposed to hate the villain, then that worked. I was sorry that she wasn’t polished off within the first ten minutes… instead she nearly made it through to the end credits.

On the whole the story was an Indiana Jones check-list. Underground tombs… check. Ancient mechanical devices…check. Ancient legends setting up the story… check. Chases, guns and jumping from one vehicle to another… check. And so on.

Now, let’s think about the subjects of the earlier Indiana Jones movies… finding the Ark of the Covenant in Egypt, a brutish Indian cult, and a hunt for the Holy Grail. Great movies, even if that old knight at the end of ‘The Last Crusade’ was a bit daft. So here’s the next problem with ‘Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ – it’s about the skull of an alien. Yes, an alien. Aliens in an Indiana Jones movie. Okay, it’s an ancient artefact… but it’s the skull of an alien. And there’s thirteen alien skeletons sitting in a space ship. No no no no no no no no. What were they thinking?

In summary, it was okay. It entertained me for two hours. But the next time I watch ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ (which is still one of the best movies ever made) I’m going to try to forget that this final instalment ever happened.

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