Ah, Denmark. They have holes in some their coins, you know. Think how much metal that must save.

Anyway, on with the story. Back in September I was invited to speak at DanNotes, the Danish Notes User Group event – not about Notes, but about Lotus Connections. Of course I accepted, and wasn’t put off in the least when I discovered that the event was taking place in a town called Korsør (pronounced ‘Korsur’ because of that ‘ø’ character) which is half-way across Denmark from Copenhagen. I also discovered that my good friend and God-like genius Paul Mooney was also on the agenda, so it was shaping up to be an excellent prospect of a trip. But how does one get from Copenhagen to the far and distant Korsør? By train of course.

My first experience of Danish trains was pretty good. In August I made my first ever trip to Denmark and had to make my way to Lyngby, which is north of Copenhagen… a very easy journey thanks to a short train ride to Copenhagen Central and then another fairly quick hop to Lyngby. As I said at the time it was efficient, on-time, clean and reasonably good value. So without much fuss I discovered that a train went directly from Copenhagen lufthaven (sorry, airport) directly to Korsør in eighty-eight minutes. I arrived in Copenhagen, I purchased my return ticket, the train turned up and left on time, and even arrived at Korsør a few minutes early. I had a comfortable seat and there was even a power socket above my head. On arriving at the Grand Park Hotel I had no hesitation in telling people that I was impressed by the Danish train service. When they scoffed at this notion, I assumed it was merely because they’d never encountered the English trains and were therefore a little spoilt.

Whoever said that irony is a fickle mistress was more correct than they’ll ever know.

The delegates and speakers enjoyed an excellent dinner. I found Mr Mooney and we chewed the fat and laughed until tiredness caught up with me and I caved in for the evening. The next morning I did my talk on Connections, and also a half-hour slot on composite applications which was a late addition to the agenda. Paul was on his way home, and already Google Latitude was showing me that he was in the bar at Copenhagen airport. After lunch I ordered a taxi, leaving plenty of time to catch the train back to Copenhagen, my plans leaving me lots of time to check in at the airport before continuing on to Stockholm. Mrs A is reading this over my shoulder and said “that’s where it started to go wrong”. And she’s right.

According to the train timetable on the Interweb, my train back to Copenhagen airport was supposed to depart at 14:50. But arriving at the station at 14:20 I found that the next train direct (I mean with no changes) to the airport was at 15:14. This wasn’t a big problem as there was a train to Copenhagen Central at 14:43, and I could change there and continue to the airport with enough time to check in for the 18:10 flight.

However, a couple of stations from Copenhagen Central the train stopped for nearly half an hour. Someone was kind enough to translate the announcement which said that the train would terminate at the next station and then we’d have to change over to a local line (with more stops) to continue the journey. So I got off at Høje Taastrup station and waited seven minutes for the next B line train. Time was now becoming rather tight.

A number of stops later, things took a turn for the worse. At Danshøj the train stopped and minutes ticked away until an announcement told the passengers that the train was terminating and they should get off. Someone told me that a person had been hit by a train at Copenhagen Central and there were going to be delays reaching the station. By now it was 16:45, and I had half an hour left to check in. After getting off, another train came to the platform quickly. But two stops later, at Enghave, the train stopped again, and the ticket lady on the train said that we were stopping and they had no idea for how long. It was now 16:57. A train from Copenhagen Central to the airport takes around fifteen minutes, and I could wait up to twenty minutes for that train. I wasn’t even at Copenhagen Central yet. At this point I realised that if I stayed on the train I would miss the flight and the implications started whirring through my head and stomach.

Maybe fortune does favour the brave – I left the train, ran up the steps, and was just in time to see a taxi about to leave after dropping someone off. I banged on the window, the driver stopped and beckoned me in. It was 17:00. I asked how long it would take to get to the airport and the words were music to my ears… “it’s rush hour, so maybe fifteen minutes”. And he was spot on, the cab stopped outside Copenhagen airport Terminal 3 at 17:15. During the journey he said there’s nowhere for taxis to wait at Enghave station so I was lucky to catch him.

The fun wasn’t over yet – inside Terminal 3 I looked at the check-in board and the instructions for SAS flight 1426 were… wait for it… go to Terminal 2. You’re kidding me. So I ran to Terminal 2, where the check-in board said – I’m not making this up – go to Terminal 3. I grabbed someone who looked like they worked there and they said yes, check-in for my flight was at Terminal 2. So at 17:23 I was at the check-in desk where a lovely young lady calmly told me there was no hurry because they hadn’t even assigned a gate yet.

And then I picked the slowest-moving queue for security. But by then I was serenely calm. Maybe even delirious.

Let me start by saying that I’m not knocking the requirement for airport security. In fact, thank heavens that they’re now very thorough even if they have started letting suitcases resembling small wheelie-bins be taken on as hand luggage – as I said years ago, if you need wheels to move the bloody thing is it ‘hand luggage’? What annoys me about airport security is the lack of consistency. At some airports you don’t have to take your laptop out of your bag – at some you do. This, I’m told, is because of the variety of equipment at different airports. Fair enough.

However, then you get a lack of consistency at the same airport… Heathrow for example. Some days you do have to remove your shoes, some days you don’t. I’ve even been there on days when one queue has to remove their shoes while the others don’t. So Mr Security, don’t get annoyed with me if I don’t follow the rules of the day immediately.

With all this in mind, I was interested in this article on the Beeb’s news site covering Manchester Airport’s trial body scanner. Like a scene from Total Recall (great movie) it provides an image revealing details down to a naked level (okay, not quite down to the skeletal level). It’s heralded as a breakthrough to please people who don’t like the traditional ‘pat down’. But judging by the sample images, it looks like it’s important to be confident about your choice of underpants.

Spokesperson Sarah Barrett says that passengers concerned about the revealing images could refuse to be scanned. That would seem to defeat the object… any potential wrong-doer concealing a weapon, or Wile E. Coyote (no doubt carrying something from the Acme Bomb Company), would immediately exercise that right. You’d hope that they’d then be subjected to the normal rigorous searches.

Reading on, I think I’ve experienced one of these scanners.

They work by beaming electromagnetic waves on to passengers while they stand in a booth

New York, 2005 – the 9/11 atrocities still fresh in their minds – I’m sure I went through one of these scanners to get up to the base of the Statue of Liberty. It surprised me at the time that the security checks to get onto the ferry, onto the island and then into the statue complex were more rigorous than the checks to go up the Empire State Building. Why surprised? Well the Statue of Liberty is out on an island while the Empire State Building is slap-bang in the middle of Manhattan. Whatever the reason, I can sleep safe knowing that I wasn’t wearing y-fronts that day.

I’ve noticed something strange. Opposite my hotel there’s a cinema surrounded by several cafes and restaurants, and last night the area was a hive of activity… loads of people in the cinema queue and waiting to be seated at the various eating establishments. Tonight, it’s like a ghost town.

Possible explanations… Tuesday is two-for-one night at the cinema… FC Copenhagen are playing a Champions’ League qualifier and the good people of the Copenhagen suburbs are staying in to watch it on television… or maybe there’s some other reason that I’ll never be party to because I’m not Danish.

Following yesterday’s post, I know you’re dying to know what the sign by the shower says and means. I’ll put you out of your misery… the sign reads:

Til forskel fra sæbe i bittesmå pakker gør denne sæbe både dig og miljøet renere.

And naturally this means:

Unlike soap in tiny packages make this soap you and the environment cleaner.

So not the first verse from Denmark’s 1997 Eurovision Song Contest entry. No, it’s the second verse from their 1983 entry which came 17th.

Good evening everyone. I am in Denmark, which is enormously exciting as I’ve never been to Denmark before. I’ve been telling everyone I was going to Copenhagen, which was true in a way – I landed at Copenhagen airport, passed through Copenhagen on the train, but eventually got off at Lyngby (which I think is pronounced Lungbu). So you’ve probably guessed I’m not on holiday – Lyngby is the location of IBM’s main office in Denmark. Some observations:

• Out of the window of the airplane I saw the huge bridge which stretches to Malmo (that’s in Sweden) and a huge wind farm. On the subject of Malmo, when I looked up hotels on IBM’s travel system it suggested Malmo. Malmo is in another country, but it is within 30 miles of Copenhagen… so it was so wrong but yet right.
• The first thing I noted after disembarking was a video screen sporting a Windows Blue-Screen-of-Death. I gave up taking photos of these a long time ago, but it’s comforting to see familiar things when travelling.
• The Danish train system is inexpensive and (based on limited experience) efficient. Mind you, compared with English trains… you know what I mean.
• If I could compare Lyngby to an English town it would be Staines, which is ironic and a tiny bit depressing.
• The hotel room doesn’t have tea-making facilities, which means that right now I’d rather be at (pick a location from the air) the Hilton at Manchester Airport.
• I have absolutely no idea what the sign by the shower means – it might be something to do with re-using towels or not wasting water, but it could also be the first verse from Denmark’s 1997 Eurovision Song Contest entry. Either way, I haven’t got a clue. If I get really bored I’ll type it into Google Translate.
• BBC iPlayer only works in Britain, so I can’t watch tonight’s episode of EastEnders.

I’ve just got back from a trip to Dublin, and before I left I considered that I haven’t travelled many domestic business miles this year. A quick check on the bmi Diamond Club web site confirmed my worst fears… I’ve been downgraded from Silver membership to Blue Plus. Okay, to put this into perspective, it’s not actually my worst fear… I can think of several things that are far worse. Anyway, I digress… this means that I will still be able to get a complimentary cup of tea and sandwich on a bmi flight, but I’ll no longer be entitled to use the business class lounge (unless my ticket qualifies).

So, now I’m going to have to make sure I travel the miles again to re-qualify for Silver membership. This means gathering 16,000 membership status miles. By coincidence (and as if to rub it in) my shiny new Blue Plus membership card arrived today, ready to take over from the Silver card at the end of this month. The enclosed letter explained about the 16,000 miles to re-qualify… or I could just pay £150 now. Do I want to pay £150 for the occasional pleasure of sitting in an uncrowded area and having a free cup of tea and biscuits? Errr… no.

On the subject of travel, a couple of observations…

1. Hotels charge too much for breakfast… €19 this morning for a cuppa, some scrambled egg, bacon, mushrooms and toast. When paying that much I feel obliged to eat as much as possible to get my money’s worth, but I can’t.
2. Airlines have gone soft on people again over “hand luggage”. Can something really be described as “hand luggage” if it requires wheels to move it? And this rule about one item… one is less than two. Half to be precise. One is not two. Surely that’s not hard to understand. And surely it’s not hard to enforce.

What do you buy for the woman who has everything? A box to put it all in? This was the dilemma for the current Mrs Adams as she approached her thirty-tenth birthday, and after hours of deliberation she decided that she’d like to go on a trip rather than receive material goods. Of course it did occur to me that a trip to some locations in the world might result in the heavy-duty purchase of material goods, but my attempts to persuade her that the Falkland Islands or Borneo were top-notch short-break locations failed miserably. Chicago (home of the Smashing Pumpkins, the Blues Brothers, Al Capone, and that musical, can’t remember it’s name) topped the wife’s wish-list, and so it came to pass.

I have yet to survey the wreckage of the family fortune, and I fear that I might have to do it under the influence of alcohol. The cases that were fairly light on the way out were ominously heavy for the return journey. Anyway, that aside – hey, it’s only money – Chicago is a great place to visit for a short break. The weather was fantastic (maybe a little too warm for my liking, but better than the miserable crap here) and the sightseeing was interesting and varied:

• The Sears Tower – the tallest building in the USA, and with the longest queue to match, Lauren and I went up while the wife shopped. At one point during the queuing process there was a sit-down seven minute movie about the Tower’s origin (which was very interesting).
• The Adler Planetarium – also visited while the wife shopped, Lauren and I watched ‘Cosmic Collisions’ in a 180° theatre, followed by a 3D movie, and then visited the exhibits.
• The John Hancock Center – the fifth tallest building in the USA, but with the fastest lift reaching an ear-popping 20 mph. As with the Sears Tower, the views were incredible.
• The John G Shedd Aquarium – dolphins, beluga whales, sea otters, loads of different types of fish, and (we just caught it before it departed after Labour Day) a komodo dragon which didn’t move but was impressively huge.
• Navy Pier – shops, a fair, live music, food, and fifty thousand people.

Some other observations – taxis were relatively inexpensive (compared to a London black cab they were almost free), the bus service was punctual and cheap, people were very friendly, and there was loads of places to eat and lots of choice.

First, just a quick re-cap on O R Tambo airport in Johannesburg. Last year I witnessed the new lavish, spacious departure lounge for the first time. It’s very nice and a vast improvement on the cramped and disorganised departure lounge of the past. Unfortunately check-in, security and passport control are still an utter nightmare.

Speaking of nightmares, let’s move on to Heathrow’s Terminal 5. Yesterday I noticed that BAA’s Chief Executive Colin Matthews had stated “BAA fully recognises that the inauguration of Terminal 5 has not been as smooth as we and BA would have wished”. No, really?

So, here’s my guided tour of the T5 arrival experience:

• Disembark the plane – delayed three minutes because of something
• Walk a fair distance (although some of it is covered by moving walk-ways)
• Go down three flights of stairs
• Wait for a little shuttle train which isn’t big enough for a 747-size load of passengers
• Get off the little train and go up double escalators (which aren’t big enough to comfortably handle a 747-size load of passengers)
• Go up another set of escalators, past the unfinished walls – anyone over six foot should duck to avoid the sharp metal frame hanging down over said escalators
• Go through passport control
• Go down the escalators to baggage reclaim
• Hunt for the right baggage carousel because the announcement board wasn’t working

At this point, after many changes in altitude (down, up, down again), I was ready to pick up my suitcase and be on my way. I arrived at this point at 06:50, about half an hour after the airplane had landed. At about 07:00 an announcement stated that they apologised for the late arrival of baggage from Joburg and they were doing everything possible to get it to the carousel quickly. At 07:25 (over an hour after landing) some suitcases appeared. And after a while a few more arrived. I picked mine up at 07:40 – after fifty minutes of waiting.

Now here comes my ‘favourite’ bit. I had to go upstairs to departures to meet the minicab (that’s their arrangement, and it is less busy up there so a good idea really). So how do you get upstairs? Easy, take an escalator. Which is what I did… I went up the first one, did a u-turn to go up the next one… and found that it was coming down. Yep, the first up escalator was met by a down escalator. A member of staff was standing nearby, and I asked about the logic of this and how I was supposed to get upstairs. He pointed to a nearby lift. It’s a shame ‘One Foot In The Grave’ has finished, because they could do a one-hour special with Victor Meldrew arriving back at T5 from holiday. The scary thing is that the script would write itself.

Trouble, it’s said, comes in threes. If that’s true, then I hope my quota for this week is done.

Trouble #1 – the flight to Cape Town was delayed and eventually took off three hours late. All down to an inch of snow earlier in the day apparently. Having said that, I will consider myself lucky. An IBM colleague I saw at the airport had her flight to Boston cancelled outright.

The Cape Town rendition of Lotusphere Comes To You (LCTY) was a great success – I’m told it was the biggest-ever IBM Software event held in Cape Town. Personally I didn’t rate my presentation as one of my best – I would have given myself 6 out of 10.

Trouble #2 – my suitcase went missing in between Cape Town and Johannesburg. As we approached the luggage carousal I joked with Brendan Tutt that luggage came off the plane in reverse alphabetical surname order. Quarter of an hour later, when all other bags were claimed, I wasn’t joking so much. The airline’s baggage management team didn’t seem to give a toss and I couldn’t get them to understand the gravity of the situation. The lady said it was now late so they’d try to find it tomorrow. She then said she’d make some calls and ring me later. “Later” meant 07:30 the next morning. I should also mention at this point that it was lucky that I’d kept the free toothbrush supplied by the airline. I received a call saying they thought they’d found my bag, but asked if I could describe it. “Yes, it’s a suitcase with my name on the tag”. She went off to have a look.

An hour later I called them and was told it wasn’t my case. What were they doing about it? “We’re going to call Cape Town”. Not inspired with confidence, I put yesterday’s clothes back on (it was either that or the white bath robe) and headed back to the airport. And there was my case, sitting behind the desk. Overjoyed. Annoyed. I asked if or when they intended to call me to let me know. The lady shrugged her shoulders.

The pleasure of clean underwear, a fresh shirt and a full range of toiletries did wonders for my mood, and after a shower and a shave I headed to the venue of the Johannesburg LCTY, Summer Place. The event was great, over 150 attendees, and if I do say so myself I was on top form and I awarded myself 9 out of 10.

Trouble #3 – that evening I agreed to pay for some customer entertainment, but my credit card was refused. This has happened before, with the over-cautious credit card company blocking transactions suddenly appearing in a foreign country. I phoned them, explained I was in South Africa, and they said everything would now be okay.

A day later, my card was declined again, this time because it was apparently over the credit limit. I checked my account on-line and found there were over £900 worth of pending transactions. This was about £500 more than I could account for, so again I rang the credit card company. They couldn’t tell me what the transactions were, so after a discussion we took the decision to cancel the card.

Now, hindsight is a wonderful thing, and what I should have done is gone to this hotel’s reception first. It turns out that they took a holding deposit of 10,000 Rand from my card (that’s nearly £700). This would have been refunded when I checked out, but now the card is dead so the process is much more difficult. Great. Shouldn’t a hotel tell you they’re doing that?

Trouble #4 – hang on, there’s only supposed to be three. Today I upgraded dadams.co.uk to WordPress version 2.5. First I upgraded a test installation and it all went fine. I then upgraded the main blog (this one) and it all went tits-up. After some remedial work it’s mostly okay… there’s some controls missing from the authoring palette (this can be fixed) but the main problem is that the new management interface is crap. It’s poorly laid out and difficult to navigate.

Tomorrow I fly back to sunny England, and this should go without a hitch as I arrive back at – let me just check my itinerary – Heathrow Terminal 5. Ah…

There can be few IBM offices in the world with a view as incredible as the Cape Town office. Just beyond the hot-desk area is a set of windows and double doors which lead to a patio area and provide a full view of Table Mountain. It would be even better if there wasn’t a bloody great crane and a half-finished building in the foreground. I’d post a picture but I left the camera’s USB cable at home. So go and do a Google image search for Table Mountain, and then add a big yellow crane. It pains me to say it but (even with the crane) it’s more impressive than the view from any window in the Staines office.

What a week… I arrived at Cape Town on Tuesday morning, in the nick of time to present at the launch event for our three new offerings (Notes 8, Connections and Quickr). That evening I flew to Johannesburg with my colleagues (Ross, Uffe and local-boy Hannes) ready for the next event and a meeting with the press on Wednesday. The Joburg event (in the swanky Melrose Arch development) was crammed to capacity with an audience of around 140 attendees. This was followed by dinner at the Butcher Shop in Nelson Mandela Square (I had ostrich – but not a whole one, and not even a leg). An early flight to Durban started the Thursday agenda, and Friday consisted of some customer visits before a late lunch at the Indigo Moon restaurant in Pretoria.

Reaction to the new products was amazing. I’ve already heard that one company in South Africa has already upgraded to Notes / Domino 8, and an attending CEO has taken the decision to move in Notes / Domino 8 in place of Outlook / Exchange in his company. That speaks volumes. And again, just like some recent events in the UK, I had numerous conversations with people very serious about replacing Microsoft Office with the free integrated productivity editors.

I came to one important conclusion while travelling in and out of South Africa… they really need to sort the airports out before the 2010 World Cup. Okay, they have improved the departure gates at Johannesburg, but the check-in area is still absolute bedlam. They seem to think the best way to reduce unemployment is to give everyone a job at the airport (but not assign them any duties… just let them stand around doing nothing).

Cape Town airport isn’t much better – I arrived at 08:20 in the morning and it was the only flight coming in. I got off the plane and got to the luggage carousel within 15 minutes (great)… but it was a further 40 minutes before my case arrived. Acceptable for a large airport with a lot of flights arriving, but not a small airport handling just one flight.

I travelled out in Premium Economy (or ‘World Traveller Plus’ as British Airways call it). Officially I was eligible for Business Class (over 10 hours, overnight, work on arrival) but I find gaining approval too long-winded and tiresome. So I opted for the easy approval option of World Traveller Plus – this worked well as I had the first row with plenty of leg room. However the return journey promised to be a nightmare, in cattle-class shoved in a tiny seat with no leg room or elbow room for 11 hours. Things promised to get worse – even though I checked in fairly early (after battling for 15 minutes to join the end of the queue) there were no aisle seats left (groan). I requested a seat move if at all possible and carried on. After a cuppa and a mooch round the shops I went to the gate to find that they’d found me an aisle seat, 28J. Economy, but an aisle seat, so an improvement. What I didn’t know until I got to 28J was that this newly-allocated seat was in World Traveller Plus… and, double bonus, was on it’s own next to the emergency exit so I had 7 feet of leg room (more than enough) and no-one beside me. Thank you British Airways.