The guest speakers for the Manchester and London events have been confirmed, but I’m not saying who they are. For the third year running I suggested Harry Hill and have always been told he’d be too expensive. This year (presumably to humour me and to shut me up) our lovely events manager Chrissie actually did go and find out how much Harry Hill would cost. And she was right, he is too expensive. I have offered to bridge the gap in the funds should I win the lottery tonight.

But instead we have two great speakers. What can I say about them? Well, one thing you do know is that they’re cheaper than Harry Hill (who in turn, as Paul Mooney knows, is cheaper than boorish petrol-head Jeremy Clarkson). For London we have a figure from the world of sport, and I’ll offer “wheels” as a vague clue.

For Manchester we have a comedy legend – and if you think legend isn’t a term that shouldn’t be handed out casually, I can assure you that there’ll be no arguments about applying that honour when it comes to this speaker.

You can leave guesses in your comments if you like, but I’m not going to reveal the identities.

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