Call me an unromantic old cynic, but isn’t St Valentine’s Day just another occasion promoted by greetings card companies and florists to swell their own coffers? Isn’t it strange that the price of roses suddenly peaks on February 14th?

Okay, I bought the wife a card and a very nice tasteful gift. But while I was in the card shop looking through the selection of over-priced printed cardboard I noticed cards that sons could send to their mums and cards from the family’s dog. Wikipedia describes St Valentine’s Day as “the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other”. So, sending THAT sort of greetings card to your mother, I believe that’s known as Oedipus Syndrome. And receiving one from the dog, quite frankly, that’s just not right.

Mother’s Day is less than a month away (florists, rub your greedy hands with glee). Then Easter… I don’t think we’ve ever been in the habit of sending Easter cards, but greetings card companies would like us to remind our friends of Christ’s resurrection with the words “Happy Easter”. Was it a happy time for Jesus? I don’t think so. Then Father’s Day. If they’re looking to plug a gap in the calendar where people are inconsiderate enough only to celebrate birthdays, I’m sure you’ll find “Happy Summer Solstice” cards in your local shop. And then perhaps “send your friend a piece of printed cardboard” day.

Please remember to recycle, because we’re running out of rainforest.