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Lotus Quickr, the collaboration solution for serious grown-up business people, is now shipping. But we need to get a couple of things straight.

Firstly, it’s Quickr with a small ‘r’. Quickr, and not QuickR. Check out the Quickr web site for proof.

Secondly, it’s pronounced “Quicker”. The name just happens to have an ‘e’ missing. It’s not pronounced “Quick-Arr”. Think about that popular photo-sharing web site. No-one calls it “Flick-Arr”. Not unless they’re from Devon or Cornwall. Or a they’re a pirate.

Review to come later…

The only problem is, I ordered the ‘Special Edition’ which according to play.com includes a 72-page paperback book. This book actually holds the CD, it doesn’t come with a normal CD case. How am I supposed to fit that onto my CD rack?

I’ve just heard that my niece Melissa has passed her driving test. Not bad for someone who last month celebrated her 16th birthday. But as she lives in Florida they allow that sort of thing.

By way of congratulating her, I’ll quickly remind her that she had the fluffiest, most sticky-up baby hair I’ve ever seen, she spent her first Christmas Day sucking on the crinkly ear of a toy elephant, and did the most amazing display of milk vomiting I’ve ever seen (and boy, did I move fast). It seems like only yesterday I could pick her up and stick her head in the dustbin or a bush… in fact I still can, as last time I was in Florida I picked her up and stuck her in a shopping trolley outside Target.

How did the years go so fast? On my desk here I have a picture of Melissa aged one with my dad… and she’s wearing ickle pink dungerees. But now she can drive a car, and we’re not talking about something made by Fisher-Price.

Congratulations string-bean. And sorry for embarrassing you, but you really did have fluffy sticky-up hair. Just be thankful I haven’t scanned in a photo. Hey, that’s a thought…

I watched some of it, I recorded all of it (yes, Sky Plus worked), I whizzed through all of it to watch the interesting bits…

• Genesis - when I was in my teens I loved Genesis, and took a lot of flak at school from my mates who were into New Wave and punk. My supposed mate Nigel Roberts once asked me if people took a book to read at Genesis gigs. Based on this performance, the answer should have been ‘yes’. They trotted out a sad collection of pop hits from the days when they’d forgotten their roots and were looking for chart success. And they looked like they really couldn’t be bothered. Was this really the band that created one of the best live albums ever (’Seconds Out’)? Steve Hackett must have been sitting at home smirking.
• Razorlight - can’t bear them, didn’t watch them.
• Snow Patrol - would have done better with some more lively songs.
• Damien Rice and David Gray - surely somebody else was available. Well, David Gray was good value with a wobbly-legged rendition of ‘Babylon’, but Damien Rice… good grief, cheer up mate.
• Kasabian - ah, that’s better. Great songs, great performance, great shirt.
• Paolo Nutini - sings like he’s quaffed a whole case of Special Brew before coming on stage. Forgettable.
• Black Eyed Peas - chaotic whooping, sounded more like a first rehearsal, although ‘Where Is The Love’ was okay. I think they were the only band to feature someone playing the flute. And what precisely is the point of the guy with the leather trilby?
• Duran Duran - predictable set of songs, but that’s exactly what the crowd wanted. Actually they were very good.
• Bloc Party - not bad, a good performance of some not very good songs.
• Terra Naomi - who?
• Keane - I’ve always joked that Keane are “that band with the bloke who plays the piano out of tune”… but it yesterday it came true. They were totally lost on the big stage in the big stadium.
• Metallica - nice beard. They won the Mrs Adams “who the hell are they?” award.
• Red Hot Chilli Peppers - can’t bear them, didn’t watch them.
• Spinal Tap - there must have been a large percentage of the population who just didn’t get it, the current Mrs Adams and the offspring included. Entertaining, must watch the movie again soon.
• James Blunt - Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
• Beastie Boys - never did see anything to like about them, still don’t. It’s just shouting really.
• Pussycat Dolls - I think they should be called ‘Pussycat Doll’ because only one of them can sing. The other five could be replaced without anyone noticing. In the interview afterwards I concluded that they look better from a distance (apart from the singer).
• Foo Fighters - what a shame they didn’t put any effort into their performance. Okay, that’s a joke, they were the highlight of the day. Dave Grohl had the audience in the palm of his hand, and joked that they should just play on all night. Millions of people would have agreed with him. Rock gods.
• Madonna - I’m no big Madonna fan, but she was okay. Good varied set. What is she, 54 or so? She looks good for her age.

Meanwhile in New York…

• Various assorted rappers - I’m a white English guy in my (early) 40’s. I don’t get it. Perhaps I’m not supposed to. I don’t know… it’s just shouting really.
• AFI - never heard of them before, but they were really good (if not a bit odd).
• Fall Out Boy - formulaic EMO rock. Dull.
• Alicia Keys - great voice, chunky legs, and seems to be visiting the same tanning salon as Michael Jackson.
• Kelly Clarkson - I shouldn’t like Kelly but I do. She has a great voice and (I don’t know whether she writes them) some great songs. Well done Miss Clarkson.
• Bon Jovi - I’ve never liked them. I suppose for someone who does like them it would have been a great performance.
• Smashing Pumpkins - I’m just about to start writing a letter of complaint to the BBC who featured only one Pumpkins song in their coverage. I don’t pay my license fee so that I can be so massively short-changed when it matters most. Thankfully MSN (choke) are showing all of their set. Two songs from the new album… fantastic. One question… where does Billy Corgan find this endless supply of female bass players? James Iha must have been sitting at home thinking he’d made the wrong decision.
• Roger Waters - predictable songs choices. He prowled around the stage like someone looking for a fight, and knowing his track record he might well have been. I spotted someone hidden at the back playing the bass, so was Roger’s guitar plugged in? Who cares, great stuff, and once again the BBC missed a few songs.
• The Police - great performance, but why did they feel it necessary to add that rapper (whoever he was) to ‘Message in a Bottle’? Only negative point is that Sting and the boys fell into that old gig bad habit of dragging a song out in a meandering fashion.

With hours to go before the start of the global gigs, the knives are out. Critics are pointing out that the stars are jetting in and arriving by gas-guzzling limousines, and are more concerned about what it will do for their own careers rather than what it’ll do for the Solar System’s third planet. That’s a bit mean really. I mean, what’s the alternative? Shall we all just not bother, and carry on as we are?

Anyway, there I was flicking through the list of artists for London… Keane (zzzz), Razorlight (featuring that white-jeaned tw*t), Genesis (prog-rock dinosaurs, I’ll never forgive them for selling out to crap like ‘We Can’t Dance’), James Blunt (pass me that bottle of pills), Spinal Tap (could be great, could be too awful to watch), Madonna (put some clothes on woman), and (thank the stars) the Foo Fighters. Still, it could be worse, you could be in Germany and have to snooze your way through the human insomnia cure known as Katie Melua and the bloke who represented his home nation in the Eurovision Song Contest.

Turning my attention to the New Jersey gig… wait a minute… a somewhat forgettable line-up features some pure gold. The Police have to be worth watching, Roger Waters and (can it be true?) the Smashing Pumpkins. Well, who cares what the intentions are, the Pumpkins are playing live on a world stage. And their new album is out next week. How cool is this?

Shame Incubus aren’t playing.